It's ok not to be ok...

The last month or so has been an extremely challenging month for me, physically and emotionally. Although I haven't been super unwell, I haven't been super well. Yes, I am getting alot better now thankfully ( woop woop ) but there are days where I find myself absolutely shattered! I always think that once I have been discharged from hospital, I must feel better all the time, I must have amazing Lung Function, I MUST have ENERGY. But the truth is, things don't work like that. Recovery in any aspect of life is a gradual thing. It takes time, effort and care. It doesn't just happen overnight. I am a huge advocate of 'positive thinking' and having a 'positive mindset', but I am also a huge advocate of allowing yourself to not be ok. I always thought that by being ok I had to pretend I wasn't struggling, resist help or always smile. But then I realised that actually, it is ok to not be ok, it is ok to ask for help and admit that I don't want to smile! I think sometimes we find it hard to admit to other people we are not ok or we do just need some time to come to terms to things. Regardless of having a health condition or not, LIFE is hard and it can get in the way when you least expect it! As humans, we like to please people. We like people to think we have it all under control, that we're happy and managing to balance everything. The fact is though - we can't please anybody else before we please ourselves. I sometimes forget that I am only one person. I cannot handle everything by myself or take on everything by myself. It is hard to balance my education, my social life  and my health at the moment and I do find myself panicking at random times. I do ask myself ' how am I even going to pass my Alevels?' or constantly think 'what if I get admitted again'? I have found that letting my thoughts run away with themselves and then writing them down on a piece of paper often helps me process whatever it is that's going on. I always feel gulity for having a bad day or even for remotely feeling bad or sorry for myself. But the truth is, sometimes you need to! Sometimes you have to! Having bad days makes me appreciate the good days and the good times I experience, but at the same time time bad days ground me. They make me realise I am only one person and I am normal! It's natural to feel rubbish at times. Personally, I always felt I had to have a valid reason as to why I felt down or why I was having a 'bad day' but I realised I did nor do not! I listen to my heart more, I listen to what my emotions are trying to tell me. You do not need anybody to approve your 'bad day' or 'how you feel' in the slighest. You need to do what is best for you! Essentially, the message I want to get across is this : You are only human. You have one heart and one mind. You have one life to live. Not all days are going to be filled with sunshine and rainbows, some will be cloudy and thunderous. That is ok though. Cloudy and thounderous storms and showers lead to brighter sunshines and longer rainbows. When you have a bad day, let it be a bad one. But when you have a good day, let it be a flipping GOOD one. All my love, Nube xxx