Hard decisions do pay off!

Hi Everyone! Wow, it really has been a long time since I last blogged! So much has happened over the past five months or so that blogging has been the last thing on my mind really. I have said a fair few times over the past couple of months that there will be a ‘new blog soon!’ and a ‘new website launch’ (which are all things I intend to do), but I just really haven’t had the time. And more simply, I didn’t want to blog. I always think that my blogs need to be a representation of me ‘beating the hell out of cystic fibrosis’ and lately, I haven’t felt like that at all, so I felt like I was being a hypocrite by blogging!

However, after a brilliant talk with my amazing Mum (shout out to Nat), I have realised that I am not a hypocrite at all and sometimes we must go through things in life to learn how to love, appreciate and live life again. So I am sure by now you are wondering, what has been going on? I’m not going to go into the nitty gritty details, but I will in a nutshell, give you a brief snapshot of what has gone on in the weird and wonderful world of Nubi Jones! Hahaha! Here goes….

Basically, the past five months I have had to have a fair few courses of Intravenous Antibiotics and this had a huge effect on my every day life. For me, this was something I was not used to before. I was always used to being able to get up and go, rest when I needed yet still feel somewhat my normal ‘myself’. But it didn’t quite go like how it usually would. I needed a lot more rest, a lot more sleep, a lot more physio and I was realising again that I did have ‘Cystic Fibrosis’. I have always described CF as Pandora’s Box, as when it is dormant, it causes no issues, it’s so quiet and sly(!), yet when it decides to awaken, BOOM, it comes at you full throttle!

I had the most peaceful 9 months with my CF in a LONG time, so when CF awakened, it really did hit me. Unfortunately, towards the end of my first year at University, it started to affect my education. I had to ask for multiple extensions which I wasn’t happy about, I couldn’t attend the last few lectures and I missed out on a few social events. I was becoming so resentful of CF, and jealous of other people living their lives that I became isolated, and an extremely pessimistic and negative person which was not like me at all!

Luckily, I think the worst of it all is over for now, but one thing that has changed massively is my mindset. Throughout the 5 months of being poorly, I had quite a bit of anxiety. I still have some aspects of it now, but I now see a psychologist regularly to help manage my thoughts and feelings regarding CF, and just life in general.

Now, there is something that has come from all this. I had to make a hard decision, a decision that at first, I initially felt weak and defeated for making. I am deferring my 2nd year of University. Now, you may be thinking that it isn’t a big deal, but it is for me! My education is something I have always been able to pursue, no matter how well or unwell, so I felt like my ability to learn and my passion for learning had been taken away from me by CF.

One thing I have taken away from all the madness that has gone on, is that sometimes you must make the hardest decisions to get the best outcomes. I always remind myself that sometimes results are not visible instant, and to keep going at something despite the knockbacks, you will see /get a result at the most unexpected time. I promise that!

I passed my first year of university with B’s, despite ALL the obstacles that I had to face. I lost my identity a little bit, but I am slowly regaining it, falling in love with life and living again, and not being afraid of CF.

I just wanted to let you lovely people know what was going on really and why I haven’t been as ‘active’ on the blogging scene or social media. Within the next couple of months, I plan to blog more regularly, start a new website and regain my health back! And of course, to beat the hell out of Cystic Fibrosis with a vengeance!

I hope that you have a lovely Sunday and I can’t wait to have a chat with you all again haha!

All my love,

Nu x